Prepped for A24C and Misc

Today I went grocery shopping to prepare for my first 10 days on the Advocare program.  I'm so ready to start.  Have you ever been so "off plan", that you actually are craving structure?  I think that's where I am. I'm just blah...ready to start, ready to feel energized, ready to see some poundage come off.  I'm hoping to lose 15-20 pounds during the 24 day plan, and if it's more then that's awesome, if it's not, then I'll just keep trying.  I am 84 days away from my trip to Disneyland, and quite frankly, I'd like to weigh 84 pounds less than I do now.  I've been told it's going to be a tight squeeze for me, and will probably need a seat belt extender.  I'm terrified of this prospect.  I haven't flown since I've been so big that I needed one.  

Isn't it amazing how fixated I am on this issue about me flying?  I just do not want there to be any reason why they would want to make me pay for an extra seat.  I can deal (though quite frankly I will be dying inside) with the seat belt thing, and we are all hopefully going to be in one row with the little between us, so that should help me not feel so squashed.  Good Lord.  I really have to get on this.  84 days.  84 days.  To lose as much weight as I can.  It's so bad that I don't want to go just because of the airplane ride...

Also, I'm having some anxiety about all the walking.  I've already been "warned" that its go-go-go from sun up to midnight each day, but quite frankly, I won't be able to do that, or else I won't have a good time.  I'm hoping that it works out that I can hang out with my MIL at the hotel, or at a cafe while the others go ride the rides I don't want to ride.  I will get out there and do, but quite frankly, the issues I've had with my feet after walking just a 5k.  I'm hoping for the best, and I'm thinking that lots of Red Bull and Iced Latte's should get the job done.  I'm pretty glad we'll have a few days at home (albeit busy with racing) before we go back to work after this trip.  Something tells me I'm going to need the recovery time. 

I know that I can't let myself be defeated before it starts, however, 84 days to lose even 40 pounds is going to be a challenge, and I'm scared.  I'm scared I'll fail, scared I'll end up being laughed at, humiliate my family because I'm too fat to fly, and because I won't be able to keep up.  I'm also scared about going on the rides at Disneyland, however, I've been told there will only be a few rides that I can't ride due to my size...and most likely they'll be rides I don't want to ride anyway.  I like the "Small World" and "Autopia" type rides the most anyway.