Finished Another 5k!

I finished my third 5k this year!  I had previously decided this year I would complete at least one 5k event, and shortly after finishing the 2 mile Truffle Shuffle that kicked this whole thing off, I decided I was going to complete one 5k event every single month this year...yes, I know I am crazy!  I love doing the event.  Thinking about it, talking about it, doing it (even if my poor walking partner has to hear me bitch and moan a little bit, okay a lot).  Here I am before the 5k:

                                                                        Me

 I was sort of hesitant to pick this one because it was associated with the annual marathon, so I figured it would be a fat chicks nightmare and like my first 5k experience which was NOT awesome.  I did start off strong, and while I was in the back, was with my friend and a group of people, however, I was totally clueless about the two hills that I would be climbing during the event!  I couldn't believe it!  So yeah, that really sucked!  I know that if there hadn't been those two hills and I hadn't rode my exercise bike for 10 miles the night before, I would have probably had a time closer to 55 minutes or something like that.  

The weather couldn't have been more perfect.  The sun was shining, it was cool but not cold, it was totally dry (amazing for April), and I was ready to do work.

I had these major anxieties the morning of the event about being last, not being able to finish because I was too weak, exhausted or whatever...but I was really motivated to do it.  I also didn't want to get to the finishing line and not have anyone there.  

Around mile 1.5, we started to be followed by a motorcycle officer since we were at the back of the pack.  OMG Humiliating!  Revving his little BMW motorcycle engine vroom vroom to try to stay upright while going about 3 mph for almost 2 miles!  Poor copper!  Every time we passed one of the people at a turn who was guarding cones and directing participants, I got to hear him pull over and tell the person we were the last ones and they could pack up and open the street for cars.  Boy, let me tell you, after hearing that about 10 times...it really starts to get to you!  I felt like I couldn't even stop to catch my breath or take a break because I felt like I would be ruining his day or something.  At one point on the 2nd hill I had to stop to bring my heart rate back down a bit...he starts asking me if I was okay, was I sure, etc.  I was horrified.  I just looked at him and told him I was fine.  He didn't look like he believed me so I just let him know I had a lot to move so bear with me!

Finally when we got to here, the motorcycle cop didn't follow me into the track!  I was able to go the last .1 miles without a tail!  We even jogged a little bit to get the feeling of what it was like to run track at Hayward Field!

Finishing Time: 1 hr 03 mins 45 sec

My hubby and sweet boy even showed up to watch us finish!  This is a picture they took of us crossing over the finish line in Historic Hayward Field. I was trying to get my phone out to take a picture of the finishing time, but it didn't work out well.  I would have had a more graceful finish picture if I could have!

Overall, it was a great event, it was a beautiful day, and I was glad I did it.  I already have a 6k planned for two weeks from now!

Stay Tuned!

STRESS!!! Not a pity party, just a vent!

Again, I'm not here for a pity party, I just have to vent some things out. 

Hot topics in my brain are:

1. Money Money Money!!!  It's all consuming isn't it?  It's amazing how much control this has in our lives! Dealing with student loans (this will be another line item itself), credit cards, home loans, to buy or not buy a new car, can I afford days off when vacation runs out, etc, etc, etc!!!  I'm so tired of money having so much control over my life!  I know it wouldn't if I didn't have so much debt, but I'm just like millions out there: barely making it, working full time, paying too many bills, groceries are too expensive, no savings, blah blah blah.  I'm not whining.  I'm just frustrated with how trapped I feel by my lack of money.  I'm working hard to make a business more successful so hopefully I can climb out of debt, but until that happens, I'm barely cutting even.  Not EVEN.  Less than even.

2.  My (current) college education is a JOKE.  I find myself coming back to this nonsense frequently.  Maybe it's some sort of punishment that I live in a college town.  Or maybe it's a sign that I need to live in some podunk city somewhere that doesn't have college graduates leaking from every orifice.  I paid $25,000 to get an education that I am doing nothing with.  At all.  I'm working in a job that doesn't require a 4 year degree, especially a degree in Sociology.  I don't want to cast blame on anyone other than myself for not doing more research when going in to college, but the counselor told me that to be a Social Worker, it would be great for me to major in Sociology and Minor in Spanish.  I gave up the Spanish portion, but went with Sociology.  What she really should have told me was that I should enroll in the Human Services program, because you gain much more experience, and interning is part of the program.  But she didn't.  All I did was a work study type job for 1 year, less than part time, but didn't get me the experience I needed for a Social Worker job.  Not for one minute did she consider sending me to another department to get counseled. Nor did she suggest I make it a point to do a bunch of interning so I could gain experience in the field.  BUT, like I said, I guess I am ultimately responsible since I'm the one that just went with it.  Kind of a LOT disappointing that I've been out of college going on 5 years now, I'm extremely in debt to the US Department of Education, and couldn't get a job as a social worker, even entry level, to save my life!!!

3.  Career.  I work full time in a job I normally would never have applied for.  I'm not knocking my job at all, and I'm not naming any company names, but overall, I'm in the wrong line of work.  I appreciate those that want to stay in this line of work, but for me, this isn't the "helping people" that I thought it would be.  More often than not, I'm feeling bristled, and offended, and surprised at how people treat me on the phone.  I can think of a few different positions within the company I would be interested in, however, this doesn't really make up for the fact that my true love is Social Services.  I'm in a crappy position when it comes to trying to get into my chosen field, because after about 10 group interviews to get a Social Worker job, I've seen that experience is key, and I don't have it.  But I also don't have time to go volunteer my time each week to gain experience.  So what do I do?  I consider an online Masters degree program, or a Marriage and Family Therapy program.  I really would love to do both, but feel I would have a better chance of employment if I did the MFT.  Although, I did find a Social Work program that sounds decent too...I just don't want to add more money to my loan.  BUT again, if I did the program and got a Social Work job, I'd make a bunch more money than I do now, and could pay off the loan a bit faster, as well as my other debts.  And yet, I don't really like the idea of going back to school again and trying to work full time!  I am so sick of starting over and over and over with different jobs.  I recently read an article about a kid who had 25 jobs by the time he was 25.  Story of my life!  Why can't I just find a great job that I will retire from?

These are just my biggest manic issues right now...LOL!  All the time I'm thinking about this!

Self Defeating Behaviors and Getting Back on the Wagon

I know I am worth more than just letting myself gain back all the weight I've lost.

I know I'm worth it to continue working hard to lose the rest of the weight I need to lose.

I know I am worth it to do all I can to keep myself healthy.

I know I am worth it.

I know my son is worth having a mother.

I know my son is worth having his mother at his wedding.

I know my son is worth having a mother that can play with his children.

I know my husband is worth having a wife that he can enjoy life with.

I know my husband is worth having a wife he can be proud of.

I know my husband is worth a wife that enjoys living life actively.

So why is it, that if I know so much, that it's so easy for me to fall back into the horrible behaviors that are killing me?  Why do I allow vacation to become a downward spiral where I risk falling right back in line with the negative behaviors that gained me all this weight to begin with?  I really need to pull in the reigns, pull up my big girl panties, and get back to it.

There are a couple things I am going to focus on this week:  the first thing is to make sure I track my food every day.  Without fail.  This is an important task because I very easily fall off the wagon with this, and after being on vacation for a week without tracking, I gained 5.4 pounds back (mostly water weight due to higher sodium intake) but if I had been tracking, I know it would not have been as bad.  However, vacation is vacation, and it only happens once a year.  So my first goal is to track on MyFitnessPal.com every day, and if I do that every day until next Thursday, I'll buy myself some pretty flowers!

My second priority for this week is to go buy my charm necklace for losing my first 25 pounds.  I haven't done it yet.  I don't know why.  I totally and completely deserve it.  I think right now I need this more than ever to have a daily reminder that I wear around my neck that I did lose 25 pounds, and to know that if I make it to the next 25 pounds, I'll have another charm to add.  It's even better because I won a $25 VISA cash card from work, plus a $25 gift card for Kohls.  So I know with my free $50 I can get a pretty nice necklace, and a cute charm! No excuses, I have to do that this week.

My third priority for the week is to find ways to get exercise that are fun, that don't make me feel like it's a chore, that is something feasible that I will really do.  Walking the mall is not really that fun for me, especially because it makes me just want to shop.  I was getting in to riding the exercise bike every night, but that's not as weight bearing as I need to really get the workout and to be able to move easier.  I want to keep the hikes up, because those are beautiful, but I don't like walking just around a neighborhood or anything that much.  One thing I'm dealing with is doing the 5k events, I'm not training in between them by walking, and I know that is an issue.  I really want to beat the time of my first 5k (1:09:33) when I do the next one on April 27.  The 5k I just did was a longer time than it should have been due to the mud path I had to hike up, the rocky trails, and crazy obstacles!

I think if I can track, buy the charm necklace, and try to get creative with physical fitness, I can regain control of my plan, and hopefully get back to where I was post vacation, and continue to lose weight.  I'm already feeling motivated just by typing this blog!!!  Thank you blog readers for helping me through this journey!