It's been a long time since I've updated. A lot has happened and not much has happened all at the same time. I'm at 243 pounds, so I've lost another 40 since March. I've traveled to Texas to visit my sister (I flew on the plane and didn't even ask for a seat belt extender!!!), and to California to visit my parents.
For Mother's Day this year my husband bought me and my kiddo each a kayak and we took them out on the water. I fell in love with it. It was so awesome to be out paddling around and feeling so free and unrestricted because of my size and weight. I still have 68 pounds until I reach my goal, and I've not given up yet, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I was struggling more now than I have yet since this all started. I've not been out for a few weeks because things have been super busy, but I hope to get out a handful more times before the end of summer.
I've completed five 5k events, bettering my time each event. I'm able to do the 5k in under 43 minutes. My goal for 2019 is to finish a 5k in under 40 minutes. I'd also really love to be able to jog a mile straight without stopping but I don't know that I'll reach that by the end of the year. I won't be doing a 5k in August due to other obligations this month, however I'll be doing an obstacle event plus a timed 5k in September to keep me on track. I have plans to finish the year with doing ten timed 5k's. I will not give up on this goal. I've come a long way and need to keep progressing. I love jogging but my stamina is still shit. I'm TERRIBLE at training for it though. I get walks in most days at work (except for the last couple of weeks) and I did a hike with my husband that I haven't done in like 6 years. The first time I did it the hike took me 2 hours to get up the mountain and 1 hour to get down. This time it took me 45 minutes to get up the mountain and 20 to get down. I felt like a freaking champion! It's exhilarating how much easier things are with the extra 170 pounds taken off of me!
In June I went to Texas to visit my big sister. I hadn't seen her since 2011 when she came and stayed at my house for a week. It was something I was really excited to do as this was going to be my biggest solo trip of my life. I was anxious about the seat belt again. Of course. In December when I went to visit my bestie in So Cal, I needed it. This time I didn't even ask for it because I was about 50 pounds lighter than the previous trip. I did great. The flight was 4 hours but I handled it like a champ. Pretzels and Netflix to get me through for the win. I had a great time there. I shopped in regular shops like a normal size person and that was AMAZING. Next time she needs to come visit me again because I don't know if I ever want to experience that awful humidity again!
This coming Monday I'm going to try indoor rock climbing at a local rock gym. I'm dying to try something new and challenging and this is something I've wanted to do for a LONG time. They do a ladies night for all skill levels and abilities and I was shown a cool Instagram account about plus size women who do this too so I feel like I can certainly do it myself! I sure hope my friend can get some pics of this venture!
I have also been attending a free CrossFit class on Saturday's that unfortunately just ended. I'm not sure why but I'm heartbroken. It's just the right amount of challenging for me because I just don't think I can do the full class until I get a big more weight off of me (though I have seen some women who attend and they are in bigger bodies and run and lift circles around me). It's also pretty spendy and this particular box is sort of out of the way for me so I have a feeling I wouldn't attend quite as much as I think I should. I will probably be looking for another box to see what the offerings are out there. Though I must say if the indoor climbing thing is a hit, that could be this winters workout fun!
On the flip side, my emotional eating has been a struggle. I've been under stress for a few different reasons. I have noticed that my urges to binge have been coming back here and there, and that I'm not working out as much as I was. I am going to make some changes and try to get that momentum back up. I also need to have a plan for the gym when winter comes again. I'm not a huge fan of working out in my home, but want to make sure I have a place that's close by or I won't ever go. We'll see. I have some research to do there, but also waiting to see what the wellness offerings at work are for this coming year, you know? Gotta take advantage of those bennies!
Let's see...what else? Oh, my son broke his leg (both bones) the Sunday after 4th of July, so his summer has been very lame. I feel so bad for him and I've had to be his caregiver for the most part. Making sure all his snacks and meals are easily reachable or easy to carry on crutches. Make sure he's got enough to drink. He's been basically laid up or on crutches for a month now and he's itching to be able to at least get a boot so he can walk without those darn sticks! I don't blame him. I don't know how I would deal with it.
There are big changes coming my way in this last third of the year. More to come on that. Really hoping to find a way to advance at work. I feel like my position really doesn't allow me much chance to shine and that sucks. I'm stuck on the frontline and I'm anchored there. I can do a little here and there but don't get picked for big projects and I'm not considered a SME at anything as I'm basically a glorified receptionist. But its a more than decent job with super good benefits so I do my best. I just hope that someday I can find a position internally that makes me feel like I'm not at work and instead doing something I'm passionate about. Whatever is meant to be will be. Thanks for following along, whoever you are! Until next time!
Friday, August 2, 2019
Sunday, March 10, 2019
March 2019 Update
Not much to report since my last check-in... currently I'm at 283 pounds. I've hit 130 pounds lost and haven't been this weight since like, 2001 or something. I feel really good. My husband took this picture of me at the store. Each bag of dog food weighs 40 pounds. At first we tried to get me to hold all three of them and I couldn't! It was way too heavy! I know it's totally different when it's spread out all over my body. But still. Now that I've lost it, I can't imagine ever having to carry it around again.
I've started exercising daily in some way, shape, or form. I had joined the gym in December but hadn't gone at all until a few weeks ago.
My routine looks something like this: Monday/Wednesday/Friday's are gym days either walking on the treadmill or using the weight machines. Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday are at home doing a Hip Hop Abs session (I adore Shaun T). Sunday mornings are reserved for swimming at the gym. I'm going on my second week and on the days I don't do much I have this pent-up, antsy feeling. Yesterday I walked like 11,000 steps AND did my swim and felt great. I'm sore as heck today from my workout on Saturday morning but I love it too. I feel like the working out has been helping with my stalling weight loss. Okay, I'm not totally stalling but it's been super slow. In February I lost a grand total of 12 pounds which was only 3 pounds off the goal. So not terrible especially since things are slowing and it was a short month. When I had gone to the surgeon's office in early February the PA told me that she wanted to see me down another 45 pounds by my next visit on May 10. Which was weird. When I had gone to my one month check-up the surgeon told me he wanted to see me lose 30 pounds over 3 months and she stepped it up to 45 pounds in 3 months. I can do it. I'm working to get my cardio in and really challenging myself physically.
I have my first 5k of the year coming up next weekend and I'm super excited about it. I've done this particular event before and even blogged about it here. The Lucky Clover is awesome because you can choose if you want to do a road route or a trail through the property. I chose the trail both times because I love the change of scenery. I'm not a fan of seeing the same stuff every time I do an event. This year I've really worked hard to find events each month with different routes than I'm used to and more events that are maybe a little outside of my comfort zone. I am doing this one again because I want to see how much better my time can be now that I'll be doing it about 100 pounds lighter than last time.
My bathing suit is almost too big for me. I need to find a really great sports bra soon. My body has already changed so much it's crazy. I am constantly looking at myself in the mirror and stuff because I'm in disbelief at how much I've lost. I'm so much more flexible and that has really been helping me to do more stuff. I was doing a workout at home and was in disbelief at how easy it was for me to get up off the floor. I remember at one point hearing that the harder it is for you to get off the floor, the earlier death you'll have. That stuck with me a lot because getting up and down off the floor was SO HARD that it was getting close to impossible. There was actually a day I had to get on the floor for something and because of a bruised knee, was in tears because I couldn't hardly get myself up and was worried I would need help. Now I can get up rather easily. And I continue to work on it.
Some of the things I plan on doing this summer are kayaking, stand-up paddling, indoor rock climbing, trampoline park, maybe a mommy moto at the BMX track, and tons of hiking and walking. Overall, big plans to DO MORE THINGS!
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| 120 pounds gone forever! These bags weigh a LOT! |
I have my first 5k of the year coming up next weekend and I'm super excited about it. I've done this particular event before and even blogged about it here. The Lucky Clover is awesome because you can choose if you want to do a road route or a trail through the property. I chose the trail both times because I love the change of scenery. I'm not a fan of seeing the same stuff every time I do an event. This year I've really worked hard to find events each month with different routes than I'm used to and more events that are maybe a little outside of my comfort zone. I am doing this one again because I want to see how much better my time can be now that I'll be doing it about 100 pounds lighter than last time.
My bathing suit is almost too big for me. I need to find a really great sports bra soon. My body has already changed so much it's crazy. I am constantly looking at myself in the mirror and stuff because I'm in disbelief at how much I've lost. I'm so much more flexible and that has really been helping me to do more stuff. I was doing a workout at home and was in disbelief at how easy it was for me to get up off the floor. I remember at one point hearing that the harder it is for you to get off the floor, the earlier death you'll have. That stuck with me a lot because getting up and down off the floor was SO HARD that it was getting close to impossible. There was actually a day I had to get on the floor for something and because of a bruised knee, was in tears because I couldn't hardly get myself up and was worried I would need help. Now I can get up rather easily. And I continue to work on it.
Some of the things I plan on doing this summer are kayaking, stand-up paddling, indoor rock climbing, trampoline park, maybe a mommy moto at the BMX track, and tons of hiking and walking. Overall, big plans to DO MORE THINGS!
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Checking In
For the first time since 2004 I weigh less than 300 pounds. For some this might seem like a ridiculous thing to celebrate, however for me, it's huge. Literally. I've lost 115.something pounds and I'm still losing. It's definitely slowed to about 15 pounds a month, which still works for me because it didn't all pile on overnight, and it won't all fall off overnight. Slow and steady wins the race.
It's not been easy. But it's not been super hard either. I would say the biggest way to describe it is that it's all about constantly working on habits. If you don't exercise, you have to make it a habit. If you are an emotional eater, you have to make it a habit to find something else to do to work through emotions. If you eat just because you see food, you have to make it a habit to control yourself. And we ALL know habits are a HARD thing to deal with.
This year I didn't set any new years' resolutions. The reason I didn't do that is because I almost never stick with them and then I feel guilty. Then I end up falling off the wagon. I bought a gym membership in December because it was such a good deal, but haven't been once yet. I'm busy. I walk a LOT more than I have in years. But it's there when I want to use it and I like that option. The big deal here is that I'm not setting myself up for failure. I'm setting myself up to succeed. Previous years I would say, "this year I'm working out three times a week!" and then not do it, fall into a pit of guilt, and eat until I gained another five to ten pounds. Not happening anymore. This year I just told myself I'm going to live life. I'm going to keep learning how to eat healthier (I'm not perfect, you'll read about this shortly), have more experiences. DO MORE THINGS.
I've started to find a pattern with my eating that probably isn't the best, but I've noticed it, and I'm working with it. What I've found is that I either like liquids and super mushy foods like protein shakes and mashed potatoes, or I like really crunchy things like pork rinds. Just about everything in the middle of that makes me kind of queasy and grosses me out. I've tried all kinds of things but it's a struggle. Recently in one of my surgery groups, someone who had surgery around the same as I mentioned that she had gone back to her post-op liquid diet (I had to do this for a month before and after surgery and never thought I would want to do that again) and I thought it was genius. I mean, I was meeting my protein and liquid goals, wasn't nauseous anytime I ate, and was never craving a snack. So I'm not going to force myself to eat solid foods just because everyone else is doing it. Also, I think I'm addicted to pork rinds and that scares the hell out of me. So I'm not buying them anymore, and if I want a crunchy salty snack, it will be a bag of protein chips from the weight loss store. I try to get in 3 protein shakes a day plus greek yogurt or a protein hot chocolate so I'm getting about 100 grams of protein a day, but I know that next week the surgeon will tell me to try pushing past that. At least that's what he told me last time. I'm seeing the other doctor that assisted with my surgery so we will see what she says. I have some macro-specific questions for her. I have no clue where my macros should be in regards to calories, carbs, and fat. I just aim for 100g protein a day and I'm winging the rest. I don't like winging it. Though I'm sure I'm doing okay as the doctor told me he wanted me to lose 30 pounds by this next appointment and by the time I get there it will be close to 50 pounds. So I know I'm doing well.
It's amazing to me to think there is a very real possibility that I will be down to 250 pounds (or less) by my 40th birthday. I haven't been 250 pounds since 2000. When my husband and I first got together, I was at about 210. I remember he had told me that he told his ex-wife that he wouldn't be with her if she was over 200 pounds. I was heartbroken. But we stayed together, and in that first year I gained about 85-100 pounds. No joke. I had gone from walking EVERYWHERE because I didn't have a car, to getting a ride everywhere and eating fast food up to 3 times a day! How gross! So the weight piled on fast. I remember seeing a picture of myself that literally killed my soul. All I could see was that I had gotten such a big belly when I gained the weight that I looked pregnant. So gross. It didn't help that this was also around my 21st birthday, so I was also drinking tons too. Lots of calories and crappy food surrounding that. Each year after that I basically gained 20-50 pounds a year after that. In 2013 I went on a weight loss journey and ended up losing 65-ish pounds just by calorie counting with MyFitnessPal. The lowest weight I got to when I did that was 323 pounds, and that was lost in about a 6 month period. I was feeling really good, but then fell off the wagon and gained it all back plus another 30-40 pounds. So yucky. It feels so good to be past that part of my life and moving into a new, more active, phase. It's depressing as hell that I'm going to be 40 this year, when my psyche is forever 15 years old. I want to hang out with my friends in the front yard drinking beers, breaking into the golf course at night to party, and listen to metal in my friends garage while we pierce each other. LOL. Gosh those were the good old days. I miss them SO MUCH.
I set a big goal for myself this year. I am doing the 2 mile Truffle Shuffle walk in a week to set the pace for myself. Then I plan on trying to do a 5k event every month for the rest of the year. I had set that goal for myself in 2013 and did a few events, however, I was also not following a super healthy diet, not taking my vitamins, and ended up coming in last all the time. I don't think that will happen this time. I am taking 3 flights of stairs at work 1-2 times a day now for exercise, plus I'm walking on breaks, and making sure to take the long way to the bathroom as much as I can so that I can get as many steps in as possible per day. I'm not a huge fan of walking, but I want to do this for myself because it's good exercise and I'm competitive. I really want to get to where I can jog half of the 5k at least. And NOT come in last anymore. It's a tall order, but I have the gumption to do it. Especially because I'm not dieting anymore. This is my new life. This is the new me. In just a few short months I'll be buying myself a new kayak to prepare for all the time I'm going to be spending on the water. I'm so excited to do it. I want to buy my kid one too, but he's terrified of the water for some reason. But I know he will do it if I do because I've sat on the sidelines for so many years of his life that he will take any opportunity he has to spend time with me and do activities. I feel so guilty for being such an absent mother. I was there, but wasn't. I've never ridden a roller coaster with him. I couldn't ever fit. I'm hoping to change that this year. I've never done any fun water sports, because I was always too big. I'm hoping to change that this year. I've never tried kayaking or canoeing. I'm changing that this year. I've never tried snowboarding or skiing. Next winter, it's happening for sure (I want to be a little smaller so I can find snow clothes that fit me and that I won't immediately shrink out of).
Lots of things to come. Lots of wins right now. I'm feeling good. I love this.
It's not been easy. But it's not been super hard either. I would say the biggest way to describe it is that it's all about constantly working on habits. If you don't exercise, you have to make it a habit. If you are an emotional eater, you have to make it a habit to find something else to do to work through emotions. If you eat just because you see food, you have to make it a habit to control yourself. And we ALL know habits are a HARD thing to deal with.
This year I didn't set any new years' resolutions. The reason I didn't do that is because I almost never stick with them and then I feel guilty. Then I end up falling off the wagon. I bought a gym membership in December because it was such a good deal, but haven't been once yet. I'm busy. I walk a LOT more than I have in years. But it's there when I want to use it and I like that option. The big deal here is that I'm not setting myself up for failure. I'm setting myself up to succeed. Previous years I would say, "this year I'm working out three times a week!" and then not do it, fall into a pit of guilt, and eat until I gained another five to ten pounds. Not happening anymore. This year I just told myself I'm going to live life. I'm going to keep learning how to eat healthier (I'm not perfect, you'll read about this shortly), have more experiences. DO MORE THINGS.
I've started to find a pattern with my eating that probably isn't the best, but I've noticed it, and I'm working with it. What I've found is that I either like liquids and super mushy foods like protein shakes and mashed potatoes, or I like really crunchy things like pork rinds. Just about everything in the middle of that makes me kind of queasy and grosses me out. I've tried all kinds of things but it's a struggle. Recently in one of my surgery groups, someone who had surgery around the same as I mentioned that she had gone back to her post-op liquid diet (I had to do this for a month before and after surgery and never thought I would want to do that again) and I thought it was genius. I mean, I was meeting my protein and liquid goals, wasn't nauseous anytime I ate, and was never craving a snack. So I'm not going to force myself to eat solid foods just because everyone else is doing it. Also, I think I'm addicted to pork rinds and that scares the hell out of me. So I'm not buying them anymore, and if I want a crunchy salty snack, it will be a bag of protein chips from the weight loss store. I try to get in 3 protein shakes a day plus greek yogurt or a protein hot chocolate so I'm getting about 100 grams of protein a day, but I know that next week the surgeon will tell me to try pushing past that. At least that's what he told me last time. I'm seeing the other doctor that assisted with my surgery so we will see what she says. I have some macro-specific questions for her. I have no clue where my macros should be in regards to calories, carbs, and fat. I just aim for 100g protein a day and I'm winging the rest. I don't like winging it. Though I'm sure I'm doing okay as the doctor told me he wanted me to lose 30 pounds by this next appointment and by the time I get there it will be close to 50 pounds. So I know I'm doing well.
It's amazing to me to think there is a very real possibility that I will be down to 250 pounds (or less) by my 40th birthday. I haven't been 250 pounds since 2000. When my husband and I first got together, I was at about 210. I remember he had told me that he told his ex-wife that he wouldn't be with her if she was over 200 pounds. I was heartbroken. But we stayed together, and in that first year I gained about 85-100 pounds. No joke. I had gone from walking EVERYWHERE because I didn't have a car, to getting a ride everywhere and eating fast food up to 3 times a day! How gross! So the weight piled on fast. I remember seeing a picture of myself that literally killed my soul. All I could see was that I had gotten such a big belly when I gained the weight that I looked pregnant. So gross. It didn't help that this was also around my 21st birthday, so I was also drinking tons too. Lots of calories and crappy food surrounding that. Each year after that I basically gained 20-50 pounds a year after that. In 2013 I went on a weight loss journey and ended up losing 65-ish pounds just by calorie counting with MyFitnessPal. The lowest weight I got to when I did that was 323 pounds, and that was lost in about a 6 month period. I was feeling really good, but then fell off the wagon and gained it all back plus another 30-40 pounds. So yucky. It feels so good to be past that part of my life and moving into a new, more active, phase. It's depressing as hell that I'm going to be 40 this year, when my psyche is forever 15 years old. I want to hang out with my friends in the front yard drinking beers, breaking into the golf course at night to party, and listen to metal in my friends garage while we pierce each other. LOL. Gosh those were the good old days. I miss them SO MUCH.
I set a big goal for myself this year. I am doing the 2 mile Truffle Shuffle walk in a week to set the pace for myself. Then I plan on trying to do a 5k event every month for the rest of the year. I had set that goal for myself in 2013 and did a few events, however, I was also not following a super healthy diet, not taking my vitamins, and ended up coming in last all the time. I don't think that will happen this time. I am taking 3 flights of stairs at work 1-2 times a day now for exercise, plus I'm walking on breaks, and making sure to take the long way to the bathroom as much as I can so that I can get as many steps in as possible per day. I'm not a huge fan of walking, but I want to do this for myself because it's good exercise and I'm competitive. I really want to get to where I can jog half of the 5k at least. And NOT come in last anymore. It's a tall order, but I have the gumption to do it. Especially because I'm not dieting anymore. This is my new life. This is the new me. In just a few short months I'll be buying myself a new kayak to prepare for all the time I'm going to be spending on the water. I'm so excited to do it. I want to buy my kid one too, but he's terrified of the water for some reason. But I know he will do it if I do because I've sat on the sidelines for so many years of his life that he will take any opportunity he has to spend time with me and do activities. I feel so guilty for being such an absent mother. I was there, but wasn't. I've never ridden a roller coaster with him. I couldn't ever fit. I'm hoping to change that this year. I've never done any fun water sports, because I was always too big. I'm hoping to change that this year. I've never tried kayaking or canoeing. I'm changing that this year. I've never tried snowboarding or skiing. Next winter, it's happening for sure (I want to be a little smaller so I can find snow clothes that fit me and that I won't immediately shrink out of).
Lots of things to come. Lots of wins right now. I'm feeling good. I love this.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Major milestone update!
I reached my first 100 pounds lost!!!
On New Year's Eve I woke up to find that I had passed the 100 pounds lost mark, reaching 100.1 pounds lost total since I started my pre-op diet on 8/28/2018. In 18 weeks (today!) I have lost 101.9 pounds. I feel so much better overall. My next goal is to get to my pre-pregnancy weight of 299 pounds. I'm only 12.7 pounds away from that. ONLY 12.7 pounds.
Since today is New Years Day 2019, the weather was cold but beautiful so we decided to go on a hike. According to my FitBit the hike was about 2.5 miles over about 90 minutes. Lots of the paths were mud so it wasn't as fast going as I would have liked (I have a terrible fear of falling after falling twice on my knees at over 375 pounds), but I didn't have to take more than 2 small breathers after going up hills. I was able to keep the pace with my boys pretty well considering the old me would have had to stop many times and wouldn't have been the one saying 'let's go this way' or 'it's really not that big a deal, let's keep going this way'. I think even my husband was shocked at my stamina. And today, before the hike, he said, "you've been moving a lot faster lately". Which, for him, is a huge compliment because my husband is the power walker of the century, LOL. He seriously walks so fast everywhere we go. Totally a speed walker.
After we had lunch, we headed to Panera (I order a cup of Turkey Chili, eat half, and take the rest home for another meal), ran a few quick errands, and then came home. One thing I'm noticing after a 2.5 mile hike was that my feet don't feel like they've been ran over by a truck. And right now, I can't stop thinking about how I'm going to start training for a 5k, and which one am I going to do? Also, during my hike, there was a point where I really, REALLY wanted to start jogging but I had my purse and didn't want to try it in front of the boys. So I might start taking evening walks again around the block and maybe trying some short jogs to start getting used to it. I really would like to get to where I can jog a full 5k and complete it in 40 minutes or less.
My clothes fit so much differently now. I'm still wearing the same size pants, but they are huge in the thighs but not quite too big yet around the waist. That's the last part to go, from what I've read online. My shirts are getting too big, so I've gotten a couple smaller tops through a friend and on FB Marketplace. With how fast my sizes are going to be changing, I don't want to spend a bunch of money on clothes that won't fit for long. Truth is, I'm still struggling with finding tops that look decent since my belly is still bigger than I like. I really think I have Diastasis Recti. Where the stomach muscles separate during pregnancy... but I don't think mine has ever gone back. I feel like I look like there is a bowling ball in my stomach all the time. As I lose a bit more weight, it's something I'll definitely be asking my doctor about. Possible surgery, or exercises can be done to correct it. The stomach area is the last place to shrink anyways. I will admit it's getting smaller just not as fast as I wanted to.
I'm starting to feel like I'm getting that melted candle look in some spots. But the weird thing is I really like it. I can't stop touching myself (not what you think), because everything feels so much different than it ever has. I'm loving how loose my skin feels. I can actually pinch my skin. I find myself just grabbing my arms and thighs and feeling how loose the skin feels and reveling in amazement. My wedding ring is ridiculously loose now. As I type, it keeps spinning around my finger so the diamond is in the way, which is annoying but makes me smile. But again, another victory. I'm thinking what I would like to do is get it re-set in a new setting when it gets too big to wear at all. So maybe as a goal weight gift to myself, since I would imagine that to be a $$$ venture. I've had a setting in mind for about 15 years too, so this would be a great venue to do that.
Other things I've been able to do are to be able to sit cross-legged on my chair at home without almost any effort. I've been able to do that now for about six weeks. I also tried crossing my legs and was able to do it. I know for some that doesn't seem like a big deal, but when someone hasn't been able to do it for close to 20 years, then it's a win! Also, I've been able to move my seat forward in my car like 3 inches closer to the steering wheel! That's a big accomplishment. And when I flew to California, I used a seatbelt extender for each flight, but when I tested to see how much of the extender I needed, it was only like 2" so I am fairly sure that next time I fly, I won't need them at all! Woo hoo!
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Years! Mine was quiet, but I don't mind it!
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