I'm feeling low...gotta get over this!

I'm feeling like I'm spiraling out of control.  It's been just under 7 weeks since I started back on this journey, and I've been pretty regimented about how I'm following plan.  Generally during the week I'm very good, then on the weekends I let myself splurge a little.  I also was able to lose weight during the holidays for the first time in my life.  I've been GOOD.

However, I'm about to have my monthly cycle, and as I'm sure most of you ladies can appreciate, it sort of makes you want to DEVOUR everything in site.  I don't know why our bodies have to betray us this way, but they day.  As if we didn't already have enough on our plate.  Bleeding profusely from the hoo-hoo isn't enough?  We then have to gain ten pounds too?!

Anyways, what I'm getting as is this last weekend I told myself I wasn't going to be as lax about my eating as I have been, because I know if I stuck to it 7 days a week rather than 5, I'd lose more weight! Duh! So I went into it full-bore though we ended up having tons of racing, I had no food in the house, and was exhausted.  Oh yeah, PMS is coming on too! So yes, I ended up going right back into my normal patter. Then Sunday happened.  Then today I was pretty good, but still didn't make the great decisions I usually make.  Then dinner happened.  I thought it was good, but had WAY too much rice.  I've already used up all my calories for the day, and quite frankly a few of tomorrow's too.  I'm already starting to worry about my upcoming weigh-in.

I'm at a point right now, where I need to really get myself in check. This is where the real work comes in.  I am fighting a battle and feel like right now, I could just gorge all night.  I sort of did that last night.  I ate dried pineapple rings (CALORIE HELL!) which I love, then I had some chips, and a granola bar, etc.  This is it. Tomorrow I am going to be much better.  I also need to learn to each just my little meals without trying to figure out how to make it as bulky and filling as possible.  See, this is how much of a sickness food addiction is.  I'm addicted to food.  It's sick as hell.  I'm constantly trying to cheat the system and modify it so I'm full. I just need to stop!!!

I'm pulling up the bootstraps and getting back on this wagon tomorrow morning. I'm going to have my one little Weight Watchers cake thing, then a bunch of water tonight.  And I'm going to plan out my entire day of food, all the way through dinner and evening snack so I have no room to mess this up.  And I think I'll start going to the mall ever day to walk.  I have to get this body moving.  I've been doing more lately, like hitting the punching bag, and stretching while watching  TV.  Sunday morning little man woke me up and asked me if I was still working on losing weight.  Without reacting (i.e. sobbing myself back to sleep) I said yes, and he told me he found something for me. Remember, little man is 7, and he had gotten up before me.  He took me out to the computer and showed me the Les Mills Pump Workout.  He saw it on an infomercial while watching cartoons.  Let me tell you...little man was PUMPED!  He wanted me to buy it right then! LOL.  I was sort of sold on it too, however the program is about $175 after the intro period.  Yeah....no.  But my sweet boy was looking out for me.  It's hard to cope with the fact  that my little boy wants me to lose weight as badly as I do.  It breaks my heart that I haven't been able to be quite the mom he needs because of it. But I'm working to change it.  Every pound I lose is for him.  I want to be here longer.  I want to see him get married.  I want to meet my grandbabies someday.

So the moral of today's story is this--I am going to do this, and it's time to get down and dirty! I have a weigh in on Friday morning coming up and want to see another loss!  I'd love to see a 3.5 pound loss which would put me only 3.5 more to my first goal.  I can do this.  You just wait and see!