I finally broke past 25 pounds!

25.8

I finally made it over a hurdle I've been struggling with for the last few weeks: making it past the 25 pound mark.  Every week I have lost weight, except for two.  I maintained one, and gained .2 in another.  All the rest of the weeks have been losses of .5 to 2 pounds.  I have been incredibly hard on myself each week, when even though I lose weight, it's not what I expected.  I knew it to be self sabotage.  I knew I was not eating the right foods, and being bad on the weekends, and even during the week at points.  So I knew every time why my weight loss wasn't more each week when I stood on the scale, and that was driving me crazy too.  

Lately I've been really trying to sit back and think about the reasons I eat.  Emotions are my number one reason, and the biggest one is guilt.  I think that is why the last few weeks has been so bad, because I have been so guilty for cheating.  Then stalling my weight loss.  I am learning to identify these behaviors more, and now I'm working on stopping them in their tracks before they get the best of me.

I can't begin to tell you how elated I am for finally reaching past 25 pounds.  In all of my weight loss attempts as an adult, I can tell you I have never made it past 25 pounds...ever.  I usually get to about 25 pounds lost, then end up running the other direction.  Both out of fear and also because I tell myself that I did it, now I can  do whatever I want because I have control.  I can tell you one thing, none of the other times that I attempted to lose weight have I felt as motivated almost three months down the line, and I can also tell you, that I have never in my adult life, wanted to lose the weight as bad as I do now.  It's like a game I'm playing.  How can I beat each level? Each level is 25 pounds.  I earn points by being active, I lose points by eating bad.  Makes sense right?  Just like Mary Poppins made cleaning up a game by singing. LOL!  This time it's felt different from the beginning.  I always see stuff on TV, and read online about obese people who finally hit that rock bottom point, then go on to lose all the weight and change their lives...I think I've finally got to that point, but without some terrible defining moment.  This time I actually want to do it.  While I still have major setbacks, I'm learning to change my relationship with food.  I'm learning that it's not a life preserver.  It's not a tranquilizer.  And it's not there to silence me.  Food exists to keep me alive.  That's the only reason I need to eat.  And if I'm going to eat, it should be food that is actually good for me rather than just give me a "buzz".    

I have to say that I have never felt as supported in this journey as much as I do lately.  My husband and son have been super awesome.  They both support me, they are both proud of me, and I can tell you, that feels amazing!  My family has been very supportive by reading my blogs, sending me words of encouragement, and loving me no matter how down I get.  My friends, both from work, and outside of work have been encouraging me as well.  Even new friends that I have made in the last few months are totally encouraging me and cheering me on!  It makes me feel good to know that people care about me enough to want to cheer me on in this journey!  

I hope you will continue to follow this journey.  I have a loooooong way to go still, but I intend on making it the most fun that I can, to try as many new things as I can, and aim for a long and healthy life!