Hitting RESET.

One thing that bothers me all the time, is losing weight, gaining it back, then having to re-lose the weight again.  Like, it's maddening.  I use MyFitnessPal to track all of my weigh-ins.  I love that I have an ongoing record of my last 500 weigh-ins over the last 4 years.  Or do I?  One thing I've been thinking about is that it still has my "starting weight" from December 11, 2011.  Well, I'm not back to that weight, however, I've gained most of it back, and so I'm not technically starting from there anymore.  It's been almost 5 years...I'm thinking it's time to wipe out all of the weigh-ins and start from scratch on Friday, July 1, 2016.  Erasing it all makes me cringe, yet I will always remember that highest weight that is in there, since it's my "I-WILL-NEVER-ALLOW-MYSELF-TO-SEE-THAT-NUMBER-AGAIN" number.

Not that I'm far away from that number anymore...I'm closer than I like to admit to myself.  So I want this to change.  To put it in perspective, Just 14 months ago, I weighed about 50 pounds less than I do right this moment.  Just letting that number sink in.  So now I'm constantly telling myself I'm losing weight over and over again...never new weight.  But it *is* new weight because it's weight I've gained!

So, I guess where I'm at right now is the idea of deleting it all.  Starting from scratch.  It's a new journey. I am also going to try to teach myself to not weigh myself at home every day.  It's too easy to get obsessed with it.  I mean, I'll beat myself up if the scale says I've gone up a tenth of a pound.  And I get upset if I weigh myself in the morning, and it's not less than the previous morning.

So here goes...I'm pressing the delete button...right...now! 

Okay, it's done.  I've erased it all.  When I weigh in for my starting of the competition on Friday, that will be my "new" starting weight in MFP, and I'm pretty excited about it!  I hope I can lose 37 pounds in 8 weeks.  I know that seems like a lot, but for a gal my size, it's on par.  I'm aiming for 1800 calories a day.  That's the number I've been given at Monarch Medical before, so I'll stick with that.  My PA tells me to ignore the calories, but follow a grain-dairy-sugar free lifestyle, so that eliminates just about everything, so J-E-R-F and not worry about calories...oh, JERF?  Just Eat Real Food. 

I've been trying to be good about things, but still need to get it together in some areas.  Just having the holiday didn't help anything, so now it's time to get serious....though I just ate a plate of Hawaiian food.  LOL.  That's it though.  Grapes and carrots for snack later, and no more carbs (aside from chocolate)!  I ban thee carbs!!!